Today, I was sitting by the pool reading a book I got in the mail called “Dear Old Love”. As I turned the pages of lost loves — of letters that would never be seen by the person they were written about — I found this quote. So often, we hear the phrase “It’s not the end of the world”. Because, I guess, that is supposed to make us feel better? But, as this anonymous lover — a fellow heartbroken person, if you will — so clearly states: it’s the end of a lot.
Relationships are hard. They are time, energy, commitment, sacrifices. They require selflessness and humbleness. Basically, they consume a lot. It’s funny how vast those two words can cast their nets: a lot. You give a lot, you get a lot, you laugh a lot, you cry a lot, you think a lot, you throw caution to the wind a lot, you talk a lot; you lay in silence a lot. You give yourself — your whole self — everything to the core of you — a whole freakin lot. And when it’s gone. Wow. When it’s gone, you lose even more than what you originally thought was “a lot”. For a moment, you lose yourself, your world; all that was important to you. And, you realize that, although you thought you had already given everything you had, there is a part of you that you had not given — the part of you that allows you to be broken down. And that, although not the end of the world… is a lot.
So, I sat there by the pool today thinking, “There has to be more than this. Because even though a lot has been given and a lot has been taken, there clearly has to be a little of something left”. And then it hit me. Perspective.
You see, although a lot is given in a relationship, and a lot is taken away when the relationship is over…there is also A LOT of things you are getting back in the midst of of everything being stripped away. Things I am getting back: A lot of sleepless nights worrying about what you are doing and who you are doing it with. A lot of giving 100% and only receiving 50% in return. A lot of disappointments and unmet expectations. A lot of fighting and “trying to make things work”. A lot of time spent on an undeserving person. And, most importantly, a lot of me — a lot of myself who I had sacrificed over to you.
Yes, it is the end of a lot. It’s the end of something that I once considered beautiful. But it’s also a beginning. A beginning of something little that, one day, will turn into a whole lot more than a lot.
A beginning that will turn into my world.