All About Perspective

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Today, I was sitting by the pool reading a book I got in the mail called “Dear Old Love”. As I turned the pages of lost loves — of letters that would never be seen by the person they were written about — I found this quote. So often, we hear the phrase “It’s not the end of the world”. Because, I guess, that is supposed to make us feel better? But, as this anonymous lover — a fellow heartbroken person, if you will — so clearly states: it’s the end of a lot.

Relationships are hard. They are time, energy, commitment, sacrifices. They require selflessness and humbleness. Basically, they consume a lot. It’s funny how vast those two words can cast their nets: a lot. You give a lot, you get a lot, you laugh a lot, you cry a lot, you think a lot, you throw caution to the wind a lot, you talk a lot; you lay in silence a lot. You give yourself — your whole self — everything to the core of you — a whole freakin lot. And when it’s gone. Wow. When it’s gone, you lose even more than what you originally thought was “a lot”. For a moment, you lose yourself, your world; all that was important to you. And, you realize that, although you thought you had already given everything you had, there is a part of you that you had not given — the part of you that allows you to be broken down. And that, although not the end of the world… is a lot.

So, I sat there by the pool today thinking, “There has to be more than this. Because even though a lot has been given and a lot has been taken, there clearly has to be a little of something left”. And then it hit me. Perspective.

You see, although a lot is given in a relationship, and a lot is taken away when the relationship is over…there is also A LOT of things you are getting back in the midst of of everything being stripped away. Things I am getting back: A lot of sleepless nights worrying about what you are doing and who you are doing it with. A lot of giving 100% and only receiving 50% in return. A lot of disappointments and unmet expectations. A lot of fighting and “trying to make things work”. A lot of time spent on an undeserving person. And, most importantly, a lot of me — a lot of myself who I had sacrificed over to you.

Yes, it is the end of a lot. It’s the end of something that I once considered beautiful. But it’s also a beginning. A beginning of something little that, one day, will turn into a whole lot more than a lot.

A beginning that will turn into my world.

Weak Moment Wednesday

We’ve all been there — we’re doing well, everything’s great, birds are chirping — then BAM! Weak moment happens. Isn’t it strange the things that can cause these out-of-body moments to happen? A song, a shirt, a smell,… a tarp?!?! Yes, that’s right, my Weak Moment Wednesday has stemmed from a tarp. Let me explain…

So, about a month before my ex and I broke up, they had asked me to store a tarp at my apartment. It was taking up too much room in their car, and they knew I had a storage closet outside. So, I put that giant, ugly tarp in my storage closet. Fast forward to today when I was merely wanting to grill out (because that’s a manly thing to do, right?). I open that storage closet to get some charcoal, and behold..the tarp.

So, yes, the tarp brought back a whirl wind of emotions and feelings. I stood there staring at it as if it was a love letter, a forgotten kiss, a picture of the happiest moment we once had as a couple. But..it was a tarp. An ugly, green, huge tarp. So, why? Why did this take me a solid minute (and clearly a blog post) to wrap my head around it? Because that tarp wasn’t just a tarp..it was a moment, a memory, a reminder of a relationship that I held so dearly and so tightly. I realized that not only was I storing that tarp in my storage closet, but I was storing that whole relationship. We try to go on with our lives. We pretend as if the relationship didn’t happen; the pain wasn’t there. We try to forget the heartache and even the love we once had. But the truth is, it’s always there..just in storage. And when you realize all of those things..when a tarp brings you back to the first kiss, the “googly eyes”, the smell of them lying next to you..that, my friends, is a weak moment. 

How do we deal with these “tarps”? Justifications — that’s how! “Oh, I need to text them about this. I wonder if they still need it?” “I just need to tell them this one thing”. Do.not.do.it. Here’s the thing: There are not enough “I miss you”‘s or words that you can say. There is nothing you can do. Reaching out with no reply — or even worse, a cold, uncaring reply — hurts worse in the end. Shut the storage door. It’s not that it disappears, but eventually enough dust will settle to where these thoughts and emotions become more difficult to see — the tarp starts to get covered.

Weak moments are simply that. They are moments. Let the moment pass. Take time to reflect. That moment doesn’t define your forever and neither does the person that caused the moment.

What’s In a Day?

Drips of coffee, Splashes of rain, breaths of secrets, sighs of relief

Learning and reading, writing and knowing

Wishing on stars and basking in the sun

Conversations over lunch and laughing through the tears

Singing in the shower; dancing with your dog

Thinking, remembering, and regretting

Realizing there is hope; accepting there is failure.

Making tea just a little sweeter, hoping time lasts a little longer

Listening to a thousand sounds, taking alone time in a crowd

Strangers becoming best friends, lovers learning it has to end

Chains being broken free, freedom becoming a tying knot

Lucky chances, leaps of faith

Fates being met, and journeys coming to a head

Counting your blessings; releasing your losses

Realizing this list will change tomorrow. Remembering it was different yesterday.

This moment… This is a day.

When one door closes, Another one opens

The funny thing about this quote is the fact that we waste so much time and energy trying to keep that closed door open. Rather than moving on and looking for the open door ahead of us, we focus our attention on the door that has, quite literally, been slammed in our face. We try to look through the peep hole; get just one foot in the crack of the door. We tease ourselves with thoughts of that closed door reopening. Lately, I’ve been discovering the beauty — and more importantly — the importance of leaving that door closed. As hard as it may be, every day is an open door — a new adventure to embark on; a new trail to blaze. But, if we don’t start moving forward, we will never experience the adventure of life.

 

There are days when I want to pry closed doors open — rip the hinges off the wall and go back to the way it was before. What I have found, though, is that a closed door is not merely just shut: it is gone.

 

The thing about this “door” is that there are two sides and two people. One person has to knock and the other person has to answer. Perhaps, one of the most difficult things is realizing your knocks are futile. There is no “out for lunch” sign or “be back later”.

 

Stop knocking. It is time that you start answering.

Getting Rid of the Negative

Have you ever been in a relationship or friendship where you are constantly being dragged down? *Raises hand* I have!

There were times where I’ve thought: if I do enough kind things, if I give enough, if I love enough, things will be different. Hard truth: things shouldn’t have to be “different” — they should just simply beYou learn in life that the old saying “people never change” is so true. If someone won’t change for themselves, they sure as hell won’t change for you.

There comes a time in life when you have to stop fighting — you have to stop trying. It’s not that you are giving up. Rather, it is accepting the fact that there was nothing there to fight for in the first place. Love the people who love you, fight for the ones who would fight for you, and let go of the people who don’t hold on to you.

Life isn’t about holding on — it’s about letting go. Let go of your fears and doubts; your sadness and hatred.

Don’t let one person change your entire world. Be the person who changes your entire world.

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Be Here Now

This week — No, this entire relationship — I’ve been living in a different moment. Sometimes, I was living in the past. At times, I was living in the future. Always thinking of what might be; always thinking of what was. I’ve decided, though..

I need to live for now

At this point in my life, I am surrounded by the most amazing, loving people I’ve ever met. Taking those relationships and friendships for granted would be one of the poorest decisions I could make.

I need to live for now

I need to explore, to imagine, to find love and happiness in everything I do. I need to find happiness in myself in my current situation always.

The truth is, he would never have been what I needed. He never was. not in the past, nor in the future, and especially not now. Live for the moment. Be here now. And he is definitely not here now.

 

*Most of my posts are inspired by Demi Lovato’s “Staying Strong 365 Days a Year”*